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“My face is numb,” I said.
I repeated it again and again until he came into the room. I looked up to him.
“My face is numb,” I said.
It felt just like when I had a cavity filled by the dentist only this was my whole face.
“You’re drunk,” he said. “Come on get up.”
He got behind me and tried to lift me from the ground but even my light body was too much for him.
“Work with me here,” he said.
I thought to say something to him but didn’t. I am just as sure now as I was then that it was really clever but it was lost somewhere inside my brain. Instead I helped him get me up from the floor but I put too much weight on him and we fell back onto the couch. I landed right in his lap with his arms around me.
It felt good. I felt safe. His body and my body were almost one. I could feel his chest against my back, my hair in his face, his lips close to my neck.
“Get off me you’re giving me a chubby,” he said.
I felt along his arms with my fingers, gripped at the backs of his hands until our fingers were laced together.
“No,” I said.
He pulled my arms up and around my chest but they were really his hands that touched me, his fingertips that pressed into me. I was delighted at the feeling.
“Are you gay?” he asked.
I nodded. And for a moment I thought I had crossed a line that I would regret but then I felt his breath on my skin.
“Say it,” he said.
I held my breath as I felt his warmth. I closed my eyes. I could hear the carbon bubbles in the soda, feel the light.
“I’m gay,” I said.
“Me too,” he said. “I’m gay.”
We sat like that for a long time until there was a knock on the door and he said it was the delivery man so I got off his lap and sat next to him on the couch as he called out he’d be there then rallied himself, counted the cash a second time, and went to the door.
My dick was stiff but losing feeling. I could feel come leaking into my underwear and against my thigh. I wanted to reach in and jerk it, get off before he came back, hell even if he came back we were both gay.
He entered the room with the food.
“Let’s sit at the table,” he said.
I shook my head.
“Fine,” he said. He set the boxes down on the coffee table.
“Get me a drink,” I said.
“Just soda this time, no more alcohol, you’ve had too much.”
“Okay dad,” I said sarcastically.
“Don’t make me spank you,” he said.
He walked away, got a can of cola from the refrigerator for me, then poured himself a mixed drink. I watched as he took a large swallow then looked to the food. I didn’t feel like eating.
“Eat,” he said. “Trust me.”
I decided to trust him and started to eat. I downed my first slice easily and by the third I was feeling like I was on the beginning of a recovery. My mind didn’t clear completely but I felt more like myself as we ate until finally I felt like I could speak in whole sentences.
“Man that is some crazy shit,” I said. “Did we just come out to each other?”
He nodded.
“What does that mean?” I asked.
“Shut up and eat,” he said.
We stuffed ourselves with food then moved to our positions on the floor in front of the television and started a new game. We played for over an hour when I finally decided to break the silence.
“How long did you know?” I asked.
“All my life,” he said.
I looked to him. It wasn’t what I meant but it was the same answer I would have given.
“No,” I said. “How long did you know about me?”
He shrugged his shoulders.
“There were signs,” he said.
“Like what?”
“Remember that one year we were in the same gym class? Well you were checking out the same guys I was plus I was checking you out.”
“You were checking me out?” I asked.
“Yeah, but I was always a little disappointed you never looked at me.”
“I thought if I did I would burst into flames,” I said.
We both laughed.
“So what now?” I asked.
“It doesn’t have to be all bad. You like me and I like you.”
“How do you know I like you?” I asked.
“You just said you’d burst into flames if you saw me in my undies,” he answered.
“Yeah right,” I said.
“So how about it?” he asked.
“What?”
We both stared at the screen.
“We’re in my apartment, no one else, all weekend long, with nothing else to do.”
I thought about it but there was one sticking point, anal sex.
“You’re not going to fuck me,” I said.
He paused the game and looked at me. I looked at him back. We stared each other in the eye.
“Can I kiss you?” he asked.
I nodded.
He turned to me, readied himself.
“Say it.”
“What?” I asked.
“Say it.”
“You can kiss me,” I said.
He leaned in and took hold of my head then he kissed me. He overpowered me at first and I was surprised when he slipped his tongue between my lips. I had never been French Kissed before only little pecks and things from girls I knew. I didn’t want him to feel completely in control so I resisted with my body and with my tongue but just enough that he didn’t lose interest.
He pulled away from me, maneuvered his body in front of mine and took hold of my wrists then kissed me again but this time pushed me to the floor. His hands went to my shirt, under my shirt, and up my body. I grabbed at him, grabbed at his shirt and pulled it. We slid his shirt down off him then he threw it across the room. He was back at me but this time he reached for my jeans and I stopped him. I pulled away from the kiss.
“Wait,” I said. “I’m not ready for that.”
“Fine by me,” he said. He grabbed at my wrists again forcing them to the floor he mounted me and kissed at my neck. I closed my eyes. It all felt good as he kissed and licked at me, even playing with my nipples a little bit. I forgot about most everything until he was back at my neck and I felt him really begin to suck. I let out a moan and he let out a grunt.
My first hickey bite, I thought, here on the floor of my friend’s apartment. I was an adult. I was off to college soon. There would be more time to play. He kissed at me but I was locked in thought. Would this be something? Would he want a relationship?
My troubles went away when he kissed at my stomach then followed down the thin hairs to my jeans, to the band of my underwear and stopped.
“Not yet,” he said. He moved back up my body.
“Please,” I said.
He looked me in the eye.
“Just a blow job,” he said.
I nodded and he slipped down my stomach again this time taking his hands with him he unbuttoned my jeans and I raised my butt as he pulled them down leaving me in my white briefs with my cock pointing straight up almost sneaking out of the fabric.
He parted the fabric around the head which had become slippery from my come. He licked at the head sending a shiver through my body. He grabbed at my cock with one hand nearly covering the entire length between the base and head. I was suddenly worried about the size of my dick.
“It’s cute,” he said.
“You’ve seen many?” I asked.
He put the head in his mouth and worked on it to create spit then when saliva was running from his mouth down the shaft and into my underwear he began to work his way down slowly taking more of me into him. I thought I had reached the end of my ability to keep control but then I felt him grab my balls and pull them from the base as he closed his mouth. He sucked on me. It filled his mouth but I didn’t feel any teeth.
How many times had he done this? The thought escaped me and I grabbed at the carpet but there was nothing there to hold.
He pulled himself from me and I looked to him. Spit hung from his lips in large gobs that swung as he moved. He looked to me and smiled.
“Is this your first blow job?” he asked.
I nodded.
“Say it.”
I knew what he wanted to hear.
“It’s my first blow job,” I said.
“Good,” he said.
He lowered himself back to my cock head and I let my head fall back to the floor. I turned it slightly to enjoy the feeling as my hair moved between my head and the carpet as he sucked and sucked, rubbed at me, and then finally I felt it.
I tried to reach to him and let him know but it didn’t matter. He took it in his mouth, milked at my cock until he had it all. I was delighted as he moved up my body. I knew he wanted to kiss me but when I saw his closed lips I knew my come was in his mouth. I paused for a moment before I pushed myself from the floor to meet him.
I had tasted my own come before but this was different. This was all of it along with his spit and tongue. It burned and I thought about spitting it out but stopped myself because it felt like it would be weak after what he did so I swallowed it.
He pulled himself from my lips.
“What do you want to do now?” he asked.
“I don’t know but we have all weekend,” I said.
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