Being at the bar was my reality check for the evening. It didn’t take much, just a look, and I knew the guys weren’t interested. When it’s there it’s real, it feels magnetic, but most of the time it didn’t amount to much because I lost my nerve. The guy in the leather harness was the worst of it. He was out of my league. I nearly licked the roof of my mouth just thinking about him. He had this look in his eyes, the look of a hunter, it was too much for me. And the leather harness didn’t help.
Normally I was vanilla, really vanilla, because it was all I could get. My biggest risk was giving a guy a blow job in a men’s room of a gay bar. My boyfriend of 16 months didn’t like anything kinky. He said he was an egalitarian and didn’t like to cause suffering. All these thoughts were running through my brain when I felt someone behind me, a bare arm brushed past me and a right hand was laid flat on the wood next to my drink. It was larger than my own, much larger, and muscled. I felt the warmth of his body as he stood behind me, his chest almost touched my back.
“Are you having a good time?”
My dick got hard. I could feel his breath on my ear and it smelled of mint and liquor. I began to sit up but when I rubbed into him I hunched down again.
“Yes,” the word escaped me, squeaked out, “yes,” I repeated to attempt to sound more calm and in control. I wasn’t. He leaned into me and signaled for the bartender, two beers. I almost leaned my head back onto his shoulder but stopped myself.
“Do you like my harness?”
“Yes,” I said.
“What’re you looking for?”
“I’m not sure what you-”
The bartender set down two beers.
“I saw you checking me out. I like your glasses.”
“Thanks,” I said.
“I like a guy in glasses.”
“That’s a weird fetish,” I said before I really thought about it. There were times to be sarcastic, this wasn’t one of them. I groaned and shrunk down some more when he leaned into me to pick up his beer. He took a long drink then set it back down.
When his body left mine I found myself pressing back into him, his left hand moved to my side. He took hold of my waist. Was he feeling me up or was it just a casual, unconscious gesture? I worried about the latter. He would feel that I didn’t have any muscles and he would know why I wasn’t dancing shirtless like him.
“You’re cute,” he said. “Do you dance?”
“No,” I said. I felt this instant dread. He was losing interest. I gulped and took another drink. But he pressed into me again and I could smell him. I could smell his sweat and I loved it.
“What do you do?”
I opened my mouth to speak but it went dry. This was getting awkward and I was the cause. Could I be this lucky that someone so handsome would be flirting with me? Was it luck, interest, or desperation? An answer came to my mind but I suppressed it for a moment. I really did try to think of something else to say, but then I spoke.
“Drink and fuck,” I replied.
He laughed a little, a little more than the polite laugh I expected. I felt like I was melting just from the heat of his body. If I just leaned back his sweat would rub into my shirt, then I’d be able to smell it when I jerked off later, I thought. But I felt him get comfortable behind me and I knew he was there to stay, at least for a while, until I scared him away.
“You get right to the point. So will I, listen, my friends are taking off. Should I tell them to wait for me or should I tell them I’ve met someone?”
“Well, I don’t even know your name,” I replied.
“Max,” he said.
“Nigel,” I replied.
“Is that good enough or do you want my profile?”
I choked on my next drink and he put a comforting hand on my back. He rubbed at my shoulder, strong at first but he worked into the muscle and I relaxed into his grip. I felt his hot breath on my ear again. I gripped the bottle tight, felt the drips of condensation on my skin. This was real. But was he really the guy I’d seen? I turned on my stool. I was face to face with him, with his muscles. I was breathless, my knees weak. He finished his beer and I watched a little spill out from his lips, down over his chin. When he finished he looked away to his friends and gave them a wink. They seemed to acknowledge his accomplishment. I just felt hard, really hard.
“What do you say?”
“What-”
“Let’s get out of here,” he said.
He took hold of my hand and I didn’t refuse. I wanted him to take hold of me and he did. He pulled me to my feet, put his arm around my shoulders. He held me against him, his sweat soaked into my t-shirt. His smell was on me now too. He led me out of the bar and to the parking lot where he opened his trunk and pulled out a shirt. I looked to him in the orange glow of the street light. He was gorgeous, broad shouldered, muscled, a strong jaw, his hair was high and tight like a soldier or cop.
“I dare you to drive without it,” I said.
He smirked as he walked to the driver’s side door. He opened it, threw his shirt into the backseat, then unlocked my door. I got inside and he sat next to me. His arm brushed against mine on the armrest. We could barely see each other in the shadows as we sat there.
“Your place or mine?” I asked.
He reached down to my thigh, his hand brushed against my dick through my jeans, moved the fabric just enough that I could feel the ejaculate that had leaked had gotten cold. I felt it on my balls. My dick slipped along the fabric of my underwear, between the opening to my jeans. He rubbed at it.
“Who said we have to go anywhere?”
“It’s just that I took the bus-”
“So what?”
He unbuckled my belt, unbuttoned my jeans, pulled the zipper until my dick was out, right there in his car, my dick was out. He leaned into me. He kissed me on the lips. I kissed him back. He took hold of my dick, wrapped his fingers around it and I had inches to spare. My left hand went to his back, touched that spot between his muscles. My right hand went to his shoulder, to his neck, my fingers stretched up into the hair at the back of his scalp.
“I love nerdy guys with big dicks,” he said between kisses.
“Who said I’m a nerd,” I replied back.
“You’re so cute when you’re insecure.”
“Shut up and suck my dick,” I said.
And he did. He went down on me. I felt my lubricated dick between his lips and into that warm and wet hole. He took all of me slowly and deliberately until I felt I was about to lose myself. He sucked until he gagged on it, then he slurped it up before he pulled away to kiss me on the lips. He pulled at my shirt but I stopped him.
“Come on,” he said.
“The shirt stays,” I said.
“Don’t be such a prude.”
“No.”
He looked me in the eyes.
“Suck it,” I said before I pulled him back down. He took it back into his mouth. He sucked and jerked me until I had no choice, I felt it in my feet which balled up as my body began to spasm. I bucked and stuck my hips into the air. It felt as if my dick was being torn from me. I emptied myself into his mouth, my dick lurched back and forth against his lips. He sat up, showed me the cum in his mouth, then he moved to kiss me but I stopped him.
“Is it over?”
He kissed me and I could taste myself, warm and tingly it slipped down my throat as his tongue explored my mouth. I felt at his body, felt over his muscles. He pushed me away a little. He knew just how much I liked his muscles. He knew and he liked it. He held my face in his hands.
“It’s just beginning,” he said.
“How far does this go?” I asked.
“As far as you want,” he said, “I’ve got all night.”
“Okay,” I said.
He kissed me again before he turned away and started the car. I tucked myself back into my jeans and zipped up. He was just as aggressive driving as he had been with me, but not dangerous, just fast and determined. You have to be that kind of driver in the city, I thought, no one has time for your uncertainty. Know what you want and where you’re going at all times, that’s the great illusion of the city, that your need gives you reason. I took the bus and still considered myself a small town guy.
A half hour later we were back at his place. He parked, then retrieved his shirt from the backseat, “I have neighbors,” he said before he put it on. I nodded, got out of the car, and we walked into the building, up the stairs and to his apartment. It was drab with dirt stained into the places where people didn’t clean. Only the carpet looked like it had ever been vacuumed.
The building was quiet, a little old but I knew how expensive apartments could be in the city. I had roommates. He opened the door and ushered me inside to his loft. I barely got to look around when he took hold of me and pressed me against the back of the door. He was taller than me. My hands went to the hem of his shirt, under it up to his harness. I finally got to pinch his nipple and he groaned with enjoyment. He was aggressive and he wanted me, maybe he was even using me, but it felt so good. There was no more stress. I had everything I needed right there.
“I want you to fuck me,” he said.
“What-”
“Don’t think about it, just strip down.”
“You first,” I replied.
He took off his shirt, kicked off his shoes, dropped his jeans and just like a porn star he was ready. He stood before me in his socks with a hard dick. Finally pulled off his socks, his hard dick bounced with each foot. I stripped as I stood there, my shirt, my shoes and socks, my jeans, and my underwear. I stood there completely naked in an otherwise stranger’s apartment ready and willing. He was completely in control of the situation. He wanted me and I wanted him, but more than anything he wanted me to fuck him. He moved to me, kissed me and I kissed him back.
Then he pulled me with him to the bed. He went down on his knees, turned and pulled me into him onto the bed. At first I lay there against him stunned by the sensation. His skin against mine, of all things my toes felt cold and bare so far from my body, but then I felt it, my dick rubbed up between his thighs to his taint then slid into his balls. I could feel them sway. He wanted it. So I pushed myself up over him, positioned myself as I took hold of that leather harness.
“Oh yeah, that’s it,” he said, “fuck me hard.”
“What about condoms?”
“Just pull out,” he said.
“And lube?”
“Just use spit. Eat out my ass. Come on dude.”
“Wait, pause,” I said as I pushed myself away. I stood up and made a small cross with my hands as he looked over his shoulder.
“Come on man,” he said.
“Nope,” I replied.
He put his head down. Had I just blown it? Was it over? I shifted on my feet, my dick bounced a little. There I stood buck naked and covered in sweat. But I wasn’t eating ass.
“I’m not going to be able to do that,” I said.
“There’s lubricant in the drawer next to my bed. And some poppers. I’ll need the poppers.”
Had I ruined the moment? It felt awkward. But I walked to the nightstand and opened the drawer. He remained in position with his head down. Was he thinking this over? I felt like I needed to do something to return the passion to the situation. Until then it had all been him, but I felt like it was my fault. I found a condom too and the poppers. He looked over to me as if bored so I gave him the poppers and he took a hit. I was desperate for something to say, so it just kind of came to me.
“On your back slut,” I said, “get your legs in the air. I want to see your face when you take this big dick. I’m going to pound you so hard.”
He looked to me as I rolled the condom down to the base, then I squirted lube on it and began to rub. He got this eager smile on his face before he did as I said. He got on his back, held up his legs. His knees parted. We looked each other in the eyes as I made my way to him. I grabbed his ankles, pushed him up to his shoulders as I slowly touched my dick to his hole. I entered him easily at first, then I felt that ring of muscle resist a little before it opened to me and I was in him.
Deep and warm, I felt as if every nerve traced back to the tip of my dick. He took a bump, seemed to lose control of his legs so I pushed them into place until I was buried all of the way. He grabbed my nipples and pinched them. I pulled out a little, then went right back into him. I could feel his body grip me, pull me. I felt as if I would spill out right then, as if my flesh and his had melted together so I pulled out and thrust back into him. He squealed and it brought a smile to my face. His hands went to my arms and as I felt he had finally gotten into a comfortable position I took the opportunity to take hold of that harness. His eyes rolled back in his head, his neck arched. I went at him again, faster and harder. I fucked him until I felt his body freeze with tension then I backed off. My muscles ached with pleasure, I could feel that little part of me inside him.
Beads of sweat, droplets fell from me to him. They cooled just a little before they splashed against his skin. I could smell us. Latex, amyl nitrate, and the stink of men. He pulled me into a kiss, my full lips enveloped his before I pushed my tongue into his mouth. My balls slapped, over and over, the bed squeaked. Harder and faster until I knocked the frame against the wall. He pulled away for a moment. He could barely speak but he tried to say, “the neighbors,” but his words gave way to moans so I covered his face with my hand.
He bucked and twisted under me so I pushed him into new positions until finally he was on his stomach and I was atop him again, my dick having never left his hole completely. He was stuck on me. He pushed up on his elbows and knees which gave me more maneuverability so I went at him harder. He backed onto me every time I pulled away and when I pushed inside it wasn’t enough.
My hands moved up to his face, my fingers between his lips. He grunted and begged for more so I took hold of that harness again but this time I really used it. I slammed our bodies together. My dick swelled inside of him. He finally leaned down on his shoulder with exhaustion. He looked back into my eyes and I could see that he was crying, but it wasn’t tears of pain, not exactly, because he had this grin of delight on his face. I had broken him, at least for the moment. I pulled on his harness and he raised himself up until he was impaled on me, that’s when I felt that sweetest moment.
When he fell, he fell hard, onto the bed, splayed out before me finally off my dick. I tried to stand but I felt my muscles in my legs sting and burn with cramps so I fell partially onto him, then slid off as he rolled to face me. He reached up to my face, his fingers around my chin. We kissed.
“I’m exhausted,” he said.
“I’m hungry,” I replied.
We laughed and rolled onto our backs. Neither of us wanted to move. The deed had been done. We had satisfied our carnal desires. And we didn’t even know each other’s last names.
“That was good,” I said.
“You had me on the ropes with that condom business. You don’t eat ass, I get it.”
I pulled the condom from my dick with a snap. We laughed a little. It sounded so preposterous, those little things that sound foolish when it’s all over but are ignored in the heat of the moment.
“I barely know you,” I said.
“Isn’t sex so much more fun with strangers?”
I didn’t know how to answer. I didn’t usually have sex with strangers, usually they buy me more than a drink. I looked up to his ceiling fan that spun around endlessly. Was that all I was to him? Was that enough for him? Was that enough for me? Aren’t you supposed to keep the good ones and throw the bad fucks back? I inched my way up to the pillows but he remained there on his chest so I studied the way his body rose and fell with each breath.
“Is this your first time?”
“No, I’ve had practice,” I replied.
He snorted.
“No, I mean with a one night stand.”
“Is that what we are?”
Finally he moved. He pushed himself up, crossed his legs as he sat next to me. He reached to me, his fingers touched the ejaculate in my pubes then moved down over my body. He smiled so I forced a smile in response.
“We’re more than that,” he said, “we made each other happy so why not just let it be. We can’t ever have this back. I’m so fucking happy. My week was shit with work and personal problems. Do you want to hear about my dad in the hospital or my sister losing her mind over her kids science project and how she blames me for it?”
He swallowed hard. Our fuck had released tension but it hadn’t solved any problems. I reached back to him, my fingers ran down the inside of his forearm until our fingers clasped together.
“Yes I do,” I replied.
He shook his head and rolled his eyes, but then he talked. We spent the rest of the night discussing our lives. Deep secrets, great embarrassments, and even wishes. It all felt easier with someone I might never meet again. We touched each other casually, the little brushes to get attention, the lingering of a forgotten hand that you know is safe where you left it. We cuddled and rolled around until the sun rose. We fell asleep and when we awoke we went our separate ways.
For just a moment we had each other, but just thinking of him brings a smile to my face.
