My Best Friend Is...

My Best Friend Is A Vampire Homosexual

My Best Friend is a Vampire is a movie I remember fondly from my childhood, one of those B movie classics I saw on TV and was fascinated by right away.  It was only a few years ago, after missing my opportunity to discuss the homosexual undertones of Nightmare on Elm Street Part 2 that I would consider this movie for the same reason, the many homosexual undertones, coming of age and coming out.


But first I'd like to set the environment of the 1980s. 1.) HIV/AIDS was a silent killer, families lived in denial and blamed cancer for a person's death 2.) From the heterosexual social perspective, which I witnessed personally, homosexuality was seen as an underground culture, the corruption of a young man by an older man 3.)  This corruption used mens primal nature, yes men are depicted as heroes but they were also seen as predators, for many straight people this underground society was about sex in saunas and back alleys 4.) This was the baby boomers in their prime, life was an adventure, TV was boring and people didn't watch that much of it 5.) The decade that gave us participation trophies also gave us World's Greatest Dad mug, okay the last one was personal, but still it should be noted.

Just read the description on imdb: "after a sexual encounter with a beautiful client, a teenage delivery boy finds himself being turned into a vampire.”  Though this could apply to any teenage vampire story let's consider just what happens.

This story begins with a dream, “the beginning to this bizarre story” is a fantasy, the protagonist, Jeremy Capello sits among the band incapable of playing an instrument, not able to be normal, heterosexual, despite the most popular girl finding him attractive and instead he finds interest in another girl, the nerdy, gender ambiguous girl.  But he is powerless to his desire, and this is the important part, though these characters may be female, they represent his sexuality, as he receives a note from the second young woman and he pursues her into the, “girl’s locker room, no man’s land, the forbidden zone” and he has “heard the horror stories of men being castrated and made to pass out towels for eternity, a living hell I could do without” and then he sees “her” this gender ambiguous woman who wants to take a shower, make love, and he’s moving too fast, tries to resist when there is a stranger, represented as a vampire, and though he tells her, this vampire, that he is looking for Darla, she begins to seduce him and when he refuses his dream becomes a nightmare and he finds himself stripped and about to be castrated when he awakens.

The next time he meets this vampire is when he delivers groceries to her home, she is fantasy realized. In part it could be said she entered his fantasy or rather his fantasy came true.  She lives in a lair far from the town that he must explore in order to find the vampire who instantly attempts to seduce him by licking his finger to deal a wound he received from the cat.  As he resists he is confronted by his desire repeatedly until he promises to return to see her again at night, historically a time when homosexuals go out ‘cruising’ for sex.  He does return to the vampire and is turned, and though as imdb.com states this is a "sexual encounter" there is no sex, but rather he is bitten and turned into a vampire.

But it is when Modoc arrives that I see the homosexual undertones of the story and the homophobia.  As I said homosexuals were often depicted as older men who groomed and converted men into this secret society. They used men's primal nature, their lust and need for sex, their willingness to put their penis anywhere for pleasure.  Jeremy mistakes him as an agent from the Health Department, a stranger who shows up to his room in the middle of the night, this man reveals not only his true nature as a vampire but Jeremy's new lifestyle.

Modoc explains about how he knows how Jeremy was bitten by a ‘sordid’ woman, and that she was ‘infected’, when Modoc explains that he is not from the Health Department Jeremy attempts to flee but Modoc uses his mind control abilities to get him to stop.  He asks if the young man has experienced anything unusual to which he responds that Modoc is the ‘unusual’ thing he noticed.  Modoc calls attention to the barking dogs, who have been persistent in the background from the beginning of the scene, and that they ‘know’ about him, that the true nature of the ‘infection’, is “a legacy of a signet society which has endured for centuries” and “you’re not like other people anymore” and that he has “new desires” that he will “no longer tred with ordinary men” and that he is in fact “a vampire.”  In the moment of his revelation, what could be considered to himself, his mother interrupts their dialogue as she believes she heard a man’s voice, Modoc, who escapes out the window.

It is this relationship with Modoc that is the biggest clue, the suggestion of a grooming relationship between an older man and a younger man.  He isn't just a mentor, and whether conscious or unconscious, the grooming relationship plays out in many ways.  Grooming was the suspected way for many people of how old men turned young men gay, as it was generally believed that all men were motivated by their penises. The concept that by becoming a vampire he becomes an outcast of normal society and a member of a secret society.

His “new desires” are that he goes to the ‘meat market’ and though at first he looks over the cuts of meat, desires them, he settles for ‘pig’s blood’ which the butcher refers to as, ‘his first time’ and this blood that he buys, his first impulse is to puke, but upon first tasting it he likes it and soon drinks it down.  He can’t believe it but he accepts that he is a vampire.  This revelation changes his life as he finds himself staying up all night, sleeping all day, and collecting fine bottles of swine blood, all of which told via montage until he is once again with Modoc toasting with pig blood beers.  But he questions why it happened to him as he had been well behaved.  It is then that Modoc explains to him the advantages of being a vampire, that for every decade he ages a single year, and that with a long life he can meet fascinating people, and that with time on his side he can pursue his interests to the fullest, that vampires can even be president, though he won’t reveal who.

Modoc explains that, “whether you’re a vampire or a regular person” he must set goals, make plans, live a full life, live several of them.  But none of those things are appealing without his love, Darla Blake, and that’s when Modoc explains the “powers” that come along with being a vampire, “a certain irresistible charm.”  He is now emboldened to pursue Darla, the gender ambiguous young woman from his ‘dreams’ and they begin to date.  Of note here is that when her parents take pictures of them with Polaroid cameras he doesn’t appear in the developed pictures as he cannot be photographed as he is a vampire, once again pointing out his strangeness. That their relationship should be in a way a performance or a secret.

When his best friend Ralph visits, his parents question the friend who explains that he is having ‘girl problems’ but once in the bedroom and he questions him about the ‘white van’ that has been following them, Jeremy decides to admit it, “I’ve got something to tell you.  I’m a vampire,” to which is friend replies, “that’s cool” and that he accepts him, until he really begins to explain what that means.  This is a positive note to the story, that his friend should accept him without really understanding him, but also we see the struggle to tolerate Jeremy's new behaviors, that he drinks blood to which the friend is disgusted.  Blood as a metaphor for gay sex.

Upon exiting the house Jeremy’s  parents question him again about their son to which he replies that, “some things are too personal.” And though he seems to accept him, that they are still friends he does not discuss and process what this means but rather needs space and time to think. And it is not necessarily friendship that reunites them but when his friend decides to use Jeremy’s powers to get women, a perfect wing man, they end up in a club where the vampire hunters attempt to kill him.  Jeremy attempts to use his powers on the women who take no notice, but the weak willed assistant vampire hunter is turned by this accidentally and wants to be his friend’s “love slave” and attempts to dance with him.  A homosexual act by mind control, and that the assistant accidentally falls prey, a weak willed man. But also in some way he could simultaneously represent both characters, Jeremy and his friend as he represents the dynamic of power.

The Professor breaks the mind control and they give chase. Eventually they capture his friend Ralph, who they believe is the vampire, and attempt to kill him.  It is Jeremy who interrupts their ritual sacrifice and asks them to prove that Ralph is a vampire to which he fails all tests: by cross, by garlic, and that the only means left is a stake, but that a stake would kill anyone. 

After being released Ralph accidentally reveals Jeremy is the vampire when they hug and he is still wearing garlic.  They are then chased through the cemetery and Jeremy attempts to defend himself with his powers and he has the ability to kill the vampire hunter after disarming him he takes mercy on the man and asks to live in peace.  “We’re not all insidious” and soon more vampires appear, they show up as a whole group, and the man fears, “what will they do with me?”  

“What’ll happen to him?” Jeremy asks.

“What better way to vanquish an enemy than to make him an ally,” Modoc replies.

In its finality there is the suggestion that men can be turned and weakened to lust, but I find myself unsure of the films motives. I attempted to look up the writer Tab Murphy but found nothing to suggest his sexuality or even if any of what I suggested was implied. And though I find it has homosexual undertones I ask myself if they are in fact implied by the homophobia I also see in the film that also may not have been intended. Either way for me this captures a subtle depiction of what homosexuality was depicted to be by media and religious organizations.

One last note, why this movie is so important to me. As a child I knew I was not like the others. I did not want a wife and kids, nor did I feel the expectation of that from my parents, but rather I wanted a unique life, one of experiences and knowledge. Though homosexuals may not actually age one year for every ten, though we wished it were true, it was the line about living multiple lives, of meeting interesting people that struck me and left a deep, positive impression for me. I thought about it for a long time and for me it settled some of my fears.